Being patient

patient

–able to accept or tolerate delays, problems or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.


After weeks of thinking it, I had to finally sit down this morning and admit it to myself : I’m having a difficult time being patient–both in daily tasks and toward the future.

I’d like to blame it on lack of sleep and a cranky, teething baby (and those certainly are contributing factors), but I think it’s deeper than that. I think if I had a sort of stillness down to my core, something I’ve been yearning for so much lately, certain external circumstances–like being tired or unsure–wouldn’t get to me in this sort of overwhelming way.

There are people who seem to have that patient presence naturally, and you can feel it radiate from them. I often find myself watching them move gracefully thinking how I wish I felt that sort of lightness. That gentle sort of being where I’m present and approaching each day and each task with a soft, open heart. That sort of spirit is infectious.

But rather than light and open, I’ve been feeling this sort of heavy, dark presence that’s been blanketing me. It’s like my own personal demon that’s been following me for too long. And currently, it’s making me impatient and inflexible.

What I want is a quick fix, an immediate change of heart. What I need is a heart-opening practice, kindness toward myself, and the time to allow for change.

So my first step in taming the beast is to name it. So yes, I see you impatient demon. I see you, and you don’t have to be my enemy. Rather than being my enemy, maybe you’re meant to be my teacher.

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