I’ve been neglecting this space lately–not because I don’t think about it, but because I’m uncertain what I want for it. I always imagined it would be a place where I could write about the everyday things and passing thoughts that I wanted to make more permanent. I wanted this place to be one of inspiration, for myself and others. But I’ve come to a point where I either want to dedicate myself to this space, or choose to say our goodbyes.
I’ve been in that evaluative, let’s-reexamine-and-make-some-changes mode lately, and I partially blame it on springtime. Ro and I have been going on many walks throughout the day (thank goodness he decided to start liking his stroller again), and as I’m passing the budding trees and blooming flowers, it reminds me of new beginnings. We’ve survived winter and can now breath in the fresh smells of a new season. Despite feeling cold and isolated for what felt like so long, spring promises sunshine and warmer days. The barren trees will once again bloom, even though we had almost forgotten what they looked like clothed in leaves.
I love that reminder, and it’s got me itching for a new beginning for myself. I have a tendency to crave new beginnings, to want to scrap it all and start again with a new slate. There were periods of this in my life where the future felt completely open with possibility. Going to college felt like that. Studying abroad gave me that sense of adventure. And I especially felt that when I graduated and thought of all the different paths I could choose to take.
Lately, I haven’t felt open or felt like my life could look like that again, and I’ve been yearning for it. I’ve been desiring my path to speed up, or slow down, or veer this way or that way. But as I was walking among the blooms, I realized that at this point in my life I’m thinking about it all wrong because new beginnings can look like a completely fresh start where nothing looks the same as it did yesterday, or it can come in the form of a new day. A new season. A new bud on the tree in our front yard. A new business project. A new take on my wardrobe choices. Small, but exciting–if I make the choice to see it that way.
I guess all this rambling is just to remind myself that life it made up of big, life-changing new beginnings, and the small everyday things, too. And I should appreciate them both.
So here’s to a new day, a new week, a new beginning.